Santa's sleigh shot down in DC no-fly zone

NORAD initially claimed that the fighter jets were there to protect Santa.

Things were going according to plan until the fat man broke the no fly zone around Washington, DC. Santa reportedly refused to divert despite repeated warnings in several languages, and offered little more than a sadistic "Ho Ho Ho" in response to all official transmissions. NORAD was left with no choice but to take out Santa with extreme prejudice. Rudolph took a sidewinder in the face and became the first true "rain" deer. Dasher and Dancer were instantly killed by shrapnel and hot chunks of Rudolph. Prancer and Vixen were blinded by the death shits of Dasher and Dancer, forcing the sleigh into a morbid tailspin, and died immediately on impact as, the remnants of the sleigh careened into the frigid Potomac. Comet and Cupid, unable to chew off their reigns in time, died a slow, panicked death, drowning in a sea of less than buoyant presents. Donner and Blitzen, after losing their teeth gnawing through their leather straps, swam pathetically to the shore, only to be immediately tasered, beaten, tranquilized, tasered again, and whisked away to Gitmo for enhanced interrogation.

Santa is still at large. Divers have so far been unable to locate his body. It is believed that his morbidly obese belly absorbed the initial impact, and provided an added benefit of extreme buoyancy that enabled an easy escape from the crash site. The area has been cordoned off and NORAD has issued a statement that any further hostilities from the North Pole will be met with appropriate force. B-1 bombers have been deployed to circle the North Pole at a standoff distance around the clock to guard against the "Red Menace." US forces have been placed on DEFCON 2 and the nuclear option is still on the table.

There are now disturbing reports surfacing that Santa has repeatedly spent time in the Middle East, where authorities believe he may have become radicalized after eating falafel left in the place of cookies and milk.

Anyone who sees a man fitting Santa's description should immediately notify law enforcement.

-------------------

Inspired by:

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2013/12/24/NORAD-raises-eyebrows-by-giving-Santa-fighter-jet-escort/UPI-14091387909160/?spt=rln&or=1

Faulty assumptions

Thanks to Dave for the link below. 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/matt-miller-artificial-intelligence-our-final-invention/2013/12/18/26ed6be8-67e6-11e3-8b5b-a77187b716a3_story.html?hpid=z2

The question that kept popping up in my head while reading it was:  Why does everyone assume the end of humanity to be a bad thing? 

Shit, we should be so lucky!  Maybe I've been watching too much Office Space.  Or maybe not enough.

Oh to be Swiss!

Direct democracy at its best.

Best quotes in the article:

 "anyway, a society in which people work only because they have to have money is no better than slavery"

"The idea goes to the personal question - what are you doing in your life, is it actually what you want do?"

Too bad their immigration policy is so strict.

------------------------------

Swiss to vote on cash for all - working or not

Switzerland is to vote on a guaranteed basic income for all legal residents - whether they are working or not.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-25415501

Katy picked a good show on amazon prime!

The lottery of birth. Highly recommended. Completely eviscerates the educational system.

Not too shabby

View from the fitness center. Wonder if there be sharks out there.

For some reason

This reminds me of Doom II

Valley girl accent spreads like verbal melanoma

The story below claims that people incorrectly judge a valley girl accent as being a sign of insecurity, shallowness, and stupidity.

My first question: isn't it?

Second question: how did the people performing this study stand listening to all the asinine people using this accent without going berserk? Unless, of course, the very investigator speaks valley girl. And in that case, the entire study should be summarily dismissed as prejudicial nonsense.

-------------------------------

More men chat in girls' 'dialect'

More men in California rise in pitch at the end of their sentences when talking, new research shows.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-25232387

Truechey, pandora

Listening to pandora while reading qualification material. The walking dead by fiction comes on, and I can't think of any other song that better sums up how I feel at work:

"We are . . . The walking dead we are . . . . The walking dead we are . . . the walking dead we are . . . The walking dead."

I'm no Catholic

To say the very least, but I gotta say, I dig this Pope:

http://www.cnbc.com/id/101231497

For those of you that do use social media

Google is here to help create a fake you to maintain the other fake you on Facebook!

So you can finally answer the age old question: Would people prefer you or a machine representation of you?

---------------

Google patents social media helper

If maintaining a presence on lots of social networks is a burden, Google may be able to help with software that pretends to be you.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-25033172

The nights go on . . .

Waiting for a light that never comes!

10 years of notes went up in flames in less than an hour. The fire was up to 4 feet. I watch all the work from the last nine years of my life mingle with the stars.

I know that's a normal reaction to this would be sadness. However, I find the very act liberating. In fact I am almost filled with glee.

To know, not feel, that everything you've done is trash. Burnt ash in the aether. Lost and gone forever.

And somehow, being totally at peace and, in every way, elated by that fact.

My friend sent me a Dilbert today. It said they can't hurt you if you're already dead. (Dilbert 12-7-11)

How true.

At some point you have to face the fact that you chose wrong. That the person you were at age 21 couldn't have predicted what you would be or how would you feel at age 34.

"What I did was a drag."

I have done technical work. I managed a small group of technical people. And then I went on to manage a multimillion dollar research and development project. And all that left was a vast, dead . . . hollow.

Over the years I've proven to myself that I can throw myself into any situation and cope. I have measured my vessel, and found it to be sufficient. Let's face it, I've never really cared what anyone else thinks. The only person I have anything to prove to his myself. And, thankfully or not, I have a very low bar.

To quote Shikamaru, the closest fictional character to me: "It doesn't really matter if I become Chuunin or not. One match is good enough."

The only question I continue to struggle with is: does the world deserve my efforts? Can humanity provide me any reason to work for it's betterment?

And the answer I continually receive, almost on a daily basis, is a resounding, reverberating, unflinching "NO!"

Like Shikamaru my only motivation comes from protection of my comrades. But in this world, this motivation is rendered useless. We were all lucky enough to be born at the top of this world.

And so I will plod on, and advise any of my offspring not to make the same mistakes that I made. That's probably the best I can offer.

This is my therapy . . .

Something about burning Meirovitch, Karamcheti and your résumé at the same time is quite therapeutic.

The rising sea burns the skin . . .

No mollusks by 2100!

Emissions drive oceans 'acid trip'

Human emissions of carbon dioxide are increasing the levels of acidity in the oceans at rates not seen for millions of years, scientists say.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-24904143

Cold snap

Pretty soon I will be planting tropical fruit in the yard:

2013 'one of warmest' on record

Provisional figures from the World Meteorological Organization show 2013 to be one of the hottest on record.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-24925580

song of the day

Blue Ridge Laughing by Carbon Leaf

"So welcome to this Universal Blanket
She is breathing silver night
Space brings back boyish wonder
And my dreams just grew back to normal size
And my dreams just grew back to normal size
I am unearthed and no longer scared
I am unearthed and no longer care
I am unearthed--

And if you're thinkin' you'll run, you'll run behind
And if you're thinkin' you'll run, you'll run behind
And if we live our lives so wild and free (lie, lie, lie)
We run behind

On and on, on and on, on and on
On and on, on and on, on and on..."

Great song for the fall.  Now, while the spirit moves me:  out to Sligo Creek for a run . . . . .

To quote Bender:

"Comedy is a dead art form. Now tragedy, that's funny!"

Leaked IPCC report predicts hunger, drought and violence for humanity

Bleak futures make me happy

A leaked draft from the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change paints a bleak picture for the future of humanity if it fails to adapt to climate change.
http://cir.ca/s/1rK

The immigration shift begins

Soon people will be flocking to Asia and Germany for a better life:

Thinking Of Working Abroad? Read This
by Krishnadev Calamur

NPR - October 31, 2013

Thinking of living and working abroad for the experience? For those already doing it, Asia seems to be the preferred destination....

http://www.npr.org/blogs/parallels/2013/10/31/242115022/thinking-of-working-abroad-read-this?sc=17&f=1001

NBC Nightly news trivia

They just asked: "What do Neil Armstrong's space suit and Dorothy's ruby slippers have in common?"

My answer: "They're both fake."

We will see what BS they come up with.

Canción de los año

I'm living in the weirdest dream

Where nothing is the way it seems

Where no one's who they need to be
Where nothing seems that real to me
How can we build our lives upon
No wall of stone, no solid ground
The world is spinning endlessly
We're clinging to our own beliefs!

Born of frustration
BORN OF FRUSTRATION!

Welcome to the world of tomorrow!

China smog shuts schools and roads

Smog chokes China's northern city of Harbin, Heilongjiang province, forcing schools and highways to shut and disrupting flights.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-24579101


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These Cats Are Mules: Kitties Smuggle Goods Into Prisons

These Cats Are Mules: Kitties Smuggle Goods Into Prisons

by Mark Memmott

NPR - October 21, 2013

January:...

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/10/21/239010848/these-cats-are-mules-kitties-smuggle-goods-into-prisons?sc=17&f=1001

Enjoying a new book

"When you destroy a house of cards you have a view of reality that is no longer obstructed by illusions."

- Peter Boghossian

0 Dark Thirty

Update: 0150

Pandora was being good to me and I felt relaxed for a bit, but the volume of the crowds continued to rise, and rise, and rise. Then, a wretched crying sound came from the neighboring tent. Katy asked if it was one of ours. We had a blue on blue situation.

Katy notified the proper authorities that their spawn had awoken bawling at the hunters moon.

People wandered about aimlessly for what seemed an eternity. In the bustle, I decide to pee. The hunters moon is positioned to peek right through the sliver of a window in the rainfly anyway.

Damn, the foot hurts. Make a quick jaunt to the toilets, hoping it is the last such trip of the evening. If it isn't, the water bottle will do in a pinch.

It is then that I get another dose of the whole "not real" deal: I get back to the tent and settled, put my earphones back on, and Pandora is playing Sleep by Azure Ray: "I can't sleep . . . . I can't sleep . . . "

My foot is going into that nice dull pain phase.

5.5 hours to sunrise. I wonder if there is anything good on netflix . . . .

Blue ridge nightmare - day 1

At first, I lay in the tent with the iPod shuffle playing my favorite songs by Tom Morello and James, knowing that quiet time means nothing of the sort.

In comes Katy at long last, huddling into our mountaineering tent designed for exactly two people. Sure, two average people. If I straighten out my feet and head touch both sides. The tent is cozy, though, particularly on cool nights in the mountains.

After she lies down I decide to take in some of the natural sounds, foolishly thinking that the sounds pervading the woods in Greenbrier state park would be of the relaxing, natural sort. What greeted my ears, however, was more of a symphony of annoyance. There were crickets, yes, balanced almost perfectly with the ebbing and swelling din of highway traffic less than a mile away.

And intermixed with those is a random smattering of muffled conversation, snoring, and people tripping loudly in the dark on their way to the toilet. You know, nature.

It's almost like home.

Except at home, there's a mattress. A nice one at that. There aren't rocks providing barely discernible pressure points at random locations across my body, not quite uncomfortable but you know they're there. And just as you are about to sleep you find the need to roll over and start the maddening cycle again in a different position.

I will say that the diner three miles down the road will come in handy. I may just rise early and head on over for a cup of coffee and some flapjacks. There was a bar across the street from the entrance of the park. I find this amusing, as alcoholic beverages are prohibited in the park. Too bad I am at the beginning of a six week dry spell, otherwise I would have popped in to show those bikers how to drink and then stumbled my way to the camp site.

Tomorrow's hike will be somewhat more challenging than originally intended. The Orifici's are good at setting booby traps, one of which destroyed my right ankle, leaving a blunt trauma that broke the skin. Then, another trap was deviously set with a tent next to my truck in the dark in an attempt to destroy my other foot while we unpacked. The way it feels now, not sure I can make the hike, which will leave even more time for my least favorite activity: socializing.

My hands are cold. I'm going to not sleep . . .

I will buy on one condition . . .

We get to watch when he is sent to the glue factory.

Who's ready for a third party?

Apparently, most Americans:

http://www.gallup.com/poll/165392/perceived-need-third-party-reaches-new-high.aspx

Too bad - call your congressman!

The Republican representative in the story below wants the USDA to declare the workers that support his constituents as essential, so they can work for free to clean up the mess in his state while he can head back to Washington and continue the fight against big government.

That kind of hypocrisy is so good it has to be fattening!

I think the title should be changed to:  "Republican Representative Advocates Slavery for S.D. Post-Blizzard Cleanup"

-----------

Shutdown Hinders S.D. Post-Blizzard Cleanup
by Charles Michael Ray

SDPB - October 14, 2013

A freak October blizzard earlier this month killed tens of thousands of cattle in South Dakota....

http://www.npr.org/2013/10/14/233790772/s-d-ranchers-struggle-to-get-out-from-under-blizzard?sc=17&f=1001

Mark the moment

This could be the year that history books in the future will cite as the year that America's decline became readily apparent:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/world/us-debt-crisis-spurs-chinese-calls-for-de-americanized-world/2013/10/14/8c459486-34d1-11e3-be86-6aeaa439845b_story.html?hpid=z1

That's what happens when you build your house on a foundation of bullshit.  Guess we'll have to add the phrase "full faith and credit of the United States" to the other meaningless, blatantly false phrases we the people are so very dear of, such as:

Land of the Free

Home of the Brave
All men are equal
The press is free
Freedom of speech
Your vote counts

The American Dream

Speaking of the American Dream, this is a great time to watch George Carlin to get a sliver of truth in a world full of lies:

http://shoqvalue.com/george-carlin-on-the-american-dream-with-transcript/

Loggin

I will be sore tomorrow after working with Dave to haul, stack, and load all this:

A great workout. At one point I was emitting a steam aura from every pore in the damp weather.

Then do it!

Right and wrong are just words. What matters is what you do.

Tibetan craze really "catches" on . . . . Fire

I found the following story on the NPR iPad App

Man Sets Himself On Fire On The National Mall
by Eyder Peralta

NPR - October 4, 2013

What has already been a strange and scary work week in the nation's capital, came to a close with a shocking incident on the National Mall: For reasons we don't yet know, witnesses say a man doused himself with gasoline and then set himself on fire.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/10/04/229318859/man-sets-himself-on-fire-on-the-national-mall?sc=ipad&f=1001

Out of the darkness

Highly recommend all listen to "California's dark" by Tom Morello.

Excerpt:
"It'll start with a spark . . . and a great fire will grow
Don't know how I know it man . . . . yeah, but I just know

There's a riot on Sunset.
And fires in the park
The sun sets everywhere
And the whole damn country's done . . . . "

Please continue

I need an unpaid vacation but my agency doesn't run out of money until next Tuesday.

BBC News: Pressure to abolish Ireland's senate

Well, I will admit that the Irish have one thing right:


Pressure to abolish Ireland's senate

Cynicism about politicians in general may be informing voters in Ireland ahead of a referendum on abolishing the country's senate, the BBC's Vincent Dowd reports.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-24365201


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The BBC is not responsible for the content of this e-mail, and anything written in this e-mail does not necessarily reflect the BBC's views or opinions. Please note that neither the e-mail address nor name of the sender have been verified.

Canada time?

Twenty ex-Americans

The Magazine feature on the number of expat Americans renouncing their US citizenship due to tax filing requirements prompted a huge response from readers. Here are 20 of their stories.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24338387

I know

In fact - I'm counting on it . . .

Song of the day

Little boxes by Malvina Reynolds (1962):

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky tacky,
Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one 
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All went to the university,
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same,
And there's doctors and lawyers,
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry,
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school,
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business
And marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky 
And they all look just the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

Which Bad Syria Option Do You Prefer?

Why do I find it so enraging that no one lists doing nothing in Syria as an option?  

Is it really because we said a redline existed and now that we've been called out, we have to respond?  Is world politics really that close to being a schoolyard playground?

Is it because use of chemical weapons is just so abhorrent to the American people?  Probably not, since we didn't mind when Iraq used them liberally against Iran.  Oh, and who gave Iraq those weapons?  Whoops . . . 

Is it because we really care about the lives of the Syrian people?  If we do, why didn't we act earlier? And if we do, why aren't we in Somalia or any of the other shitholes scattered around the earth where horrible things happen every day?  If we don't, why are we even discussing this?

Is it national security concerns?  If so, please explain how so?  That bullshit argument that people are training there to come back and hurt us?  The old scare tactic, eh?  Sorry, not buying that one anymore.

Is it because we are mad at Assad for buying Russian weapons and not ours?    I'd buy that. 

If congress decides to approve military action in Syria, it is my firm belief that their decision is made purely to increase Lockheed Martin stock prices, which will in turn increase their lobbying kickbacks.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/parallels/2013/09/03/218587228/which-bad-syria-option-do-you-prefer?sc=17&f=1001

Awesome!

Made my day!

All in on a pair

McCain plays poker on his iPhone while the senate debates whether or not to kill people in Syria. Then, he jokes that it is justified since he was losing fake money. Do you really expect a senator to LISTEN for 3 while hours?!?

I found myself wondering where he picked up this habit. Then it occurred to me: his captors in Vietnam must have played Chinese chess when deciding how best to shove glass in his junk.

Read more:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-23958312

Devils basement workout

Push-ups: sets of 20-20-24-24-20-20-22-50 (200 total)
Sit-ups: sets of 30-30-36-36-30-30-40-75 (307 total)
Pull-ups: sets of 5-6-6-5-3 (25 total)

So far, have worked up to three iterations. The goal is to work up to five (1000 push-ups, 1535 sit-ups, and 125 pull-ups) in an hour.

Did two full sets yesterday in 20 minutes. That rate will be hard to maintain for a full 5 rounds.

Going to attempt 4 rounds this week. Despair levels this week so far
seem appropriate motivation for adding a round. Need to put a playlist together that will work me up into a frothing madman for an hour straight.

Next challenge may include a botulism chase - buying all the 50% off dented cans at the store and eating them one by one. A month in a catatonic state sounds spot on these days.

In honor of my navy pals . . .

Torpedo in a glass with a special message just for them:

Pursue your dreams

http://www.indeed.com/m/viewjob?jk=94240f977c4aa0ef&from=serp

Full circle

Funny how the British government has come to represent the will of the people better than the US government.

I found the following story on the NPR iPhone App:

British Parliament Closes Door On Syria Intervention
by Eyder Peralta

NPR - August 29, 2013

After debating deep into the night, the British House of Commons refused a precursory resolution on military strikes in Syria. The resolution, which failed 272-285, called for a second vote to authorize military action once the U.N. inspectors have issued their findings on whether the Syrian regime of Bashar Assad used chemical weapons against its own people....

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/08/29/216933582/british-parliament-rejects-syria-intervention-in-symbolic-vote?sc=17&f=1001

Fun quizzes

This one said if I had a daemon (golden compass reference) it would be a honey badger (curmudgeonly soul).  The description was dead on.

http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/the-golden-compass-daemon-test

And the old (short sci fi quiz) classic, I'm Worf ("perhaps today is a good day to die!")

http://www.tk421.net/character

Idiocy Act

"Making political experts worry that only the wealthy will be able to serve in Congress."

Is it me or have these so-called political "experts" forgotten the ENTIRE history of American politics?

I guess they forgot that originally you had to be rich to vote. So a bunch of rich white douchebags go to Philadelphia and conjure a government just like the one from which they secede. Except, they make it completely dysfunctional! By the time the vote opened up to normal people, they had already rigged the game so it didn't matter for whom you vote.

Only in America can you be so revered for failing on such a massive scale.
The founding fathers were either completely retarded or evil geniuses. Probably a roughly even mix of each, with some STD-based dementia filling out the rest.

Also, it's so nice that Congress gets to vote on whether or not to freeze their wages. What a sacrifice for a bunch of self-important plutocrats. I'm sure half of them or more are so delusional as to think they still serve a purpose in society.

Meanwhile, federal employees just have to keep taking the freeze without any say. And unlike our "esteemed" members of Congress, federal employees can't make up the difference by accepting large anonymous donations from every shady interest in the world.

You really want to see these pigs squeal? Start calling them en masse and agitate for a law to ban lobbying. If they passed a law that really hit their wallets, then you can report that to me and expect that I will be impressed. Not that you, an ordinary citizen, would ever be allowed to speak to one of them without first buying a dinner for $10k or making a ludicrous donation to their campaign. Without a lot of hard cash, you will only be speaking to the brainwashed teenagers from BFE answering their office phones. Remember, these kids are volunteering to be a sort of less-than-qualified insurance agents. Their job is to reject as many claims (complaints?) as possible.

At this point, I would be impressed if the "honorable" members of Congress passed any meaningful legislation at all. And I mean from this point in time to the end of American history. Like I said before, only in America can you be so revered for failure on such a massive scale.

Guess I know now why the founding fathers didn't include the option for a vote of no confidence in their sporty new failure machine . . .

More proof

For the argument that aliens visited earth and left, deciding there was no sign of intelligent life:

Eating on a budget

Breakfast at hotel, snacks at the course (bagels and fruit), and my budget dinner for the week pictured here, courtesy of Walmart in Pocatello, ID

MD safe hunter

Easily distracted - best ways to use a fake crisis

Rather convenient timing for a global threat identified by an embattled blanket surveillance program, don't you think?

I find the part about a 180 degree change in the debate particularly delicious.

Next thing you know, Prism will find those pesky WMDs.

I found the following story on the NPR iPhone App:

Terror Threat Shakes Up NSA Debate, Unites Some Lawmakers
by Mark Memmott

NPR - August 5, 2013

The Obama administration's weekend decision to close diplomatic posts from Central Asia through the Middle East and into North Africa has led to applause from "rattled lawmakers in both parties," The Washington Post writes....

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/08/05/209130602/terror-threat-shakes-up-nsa-debate-unites-some-lawmakers?sc=17&f=1001

Cookies n gun mug

Carneal weekend

Tell me what is wrong with this

This screen is amazing:

We deserve free tickets, Edge!

We been reppin' the zoo for almost two decades.

And so it begins . . .

First batch of brew in the stove. To early to say I have discovered a new career?

At least a new hobby. . .

Initial veggies and fruit

First of the harvest - tons of squash and zucchini to come soon.

First blueberries - need to plant some raspberries next

Impressive

Mount Hood cutting swaths through the clouds. At least I guess it's Mount Hood. It was on the right flying back from Portland.

Turd sandwich

Bunty's sammich (featured on dumps, dives, etc.) was closed, so the shuttle driver recommended Niclass' Lebanese.

35 minute wait. While waiting we went to a sketch ass bar nearby, across the street from a homeless shelter. They had lotto and the aptly named "Swill" on tap. Also featured was a vending machine with cigarettes and corn nuts.

Headed back to the lebanese place for what my colleague described as "turd on rice." I thought the food was pretty good. Not great, but decent. Standouts were the fresh baked pita and extreme garlic sauce that came with the kabob.

BBQ with fried asparagus

Lunch in Portland