Just downloaded the latest Carbon Leaf album. For those who don't know, it's an alternative celtic band, kinda. . Plus they were formed about a mile from my parent's house in Ashland, VA. Previewed the first song and the lyrics went:
And if I face indecision, don't let me face it alone.
Just take me straight to Virginia, back to the faces of home.
Right then I was sold. Then the lyrics got better and better:
Now my spirit and bones take me straight to a fork in the road
Now my spirit and bones take me somewhere I've never known
And if I face indecision don't let me face it alone
Just take me straight to Virginia, back to the faces of home.
The song speaks to me. That's kinda the theme of my life. I don't really feel like I've made any decisions in my life. I'm not saying I haven't had choices, it's just that in all the cases I can recall, the choice was either obvious or made for me. I feel like a cloud, moved around by unseen currents. Like a cloud, I'm trapped by and manipulated by my environment. Most of the time I am (more or less) happily floating along, but I can collide with others and unleash furious storms on occasion. It's just me. I'm here. I don't know why, and I don't really care why.
Long days, fade away
I take it in through my eyes
Sometimes, survival's the milestone
Electrified like a lighted tree
Take these spirit and bones and catapult from the ground
what doesn't throw you or burn you will surely turn you around
I've always been more of an observer than a participant. What can I say? I much prefer watching and listening to people to actually conversing with them. Looking back, time seemed to go so slowly in my wishfully not-so-distant youth, and every year it seems to slip faster and faster into the future. I've definitely been thrown, burnt, and turned around over the past five to ten years, particularly in my work life. I've seen several friends die before their time. I was nearly killed twice at Carderock. I've seen people I thought were decent turn into amoral monsters. I faced total disillusionment, for the first time witnessing first-hand the house of cards the system is.
Long days, fade away
I hope to see them again
Sometimes survival's the milestone
I may get lost but I know where I've been, I know where I've been
I know where I am right now
It's a great tragedy that we don't realize the value of time until all of it's gone. And the lessons you learn in school never matter. What matters is what you learn in the real world. Will you let it break and beat you down? For certain, no one can hold it against you if it should. There's that nagging hope again, such a base human emotion. Rationality will drive you insane if you take your limited experience and apply it to the world at large. There's so much out there. It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black. If you let it the darkness will engulf and destroy you. But if you carry on the dawn always comes.
I take comfort in the faces of home. The people I know rekindle my hope. We're all lost trying to find our way in this world. I know deep down there is no purpose except that which you create for yourself. I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way, but I suspect they do. Best of luck to everyone carving out their own path.
If the hour gets late, rest and await the dawn . . . .
