Everything burns.
Tuesday, December 24, 2019
Sunday, August 11, 2019
Schools
Fitting since every time I pass a school I tell my kids that's a building where they lock you in and destroy all individuality.
Wargames reference
Especially applicable to sports...... work. Housing. Capitalism. Or anything outside the basic necessities, really.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
should be trump's theme
and then
you meet me
and you whole world changes
because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear
so you drop all your defenses and you drop all your fears
and you trust me completely
I'm perfect
in every way
cause I make you feel so strong and so powerful inside
you feel so lucky
but your ego obscures reality
and you never bother to wonder why
things are going so well
you want to know why?
cause I'm a liar
yeah I'm a liar
I'll tear your mind out
I'll burn your soul
I'll turn you into me
I'll turn you into me
cause I'm a liar, a liar
a liar, a liar
Wednesday, June 19, 2019
implosion imminent
The realistic line assumes that plants shut down about 10 years before their license expiration. To date, no reactor has operated to the end of its license. For all reactors that have already announced planned shutdowns, the data includes the dates reported in http://www.beyondnuclear.org/reactors-are-closing/.
But, the great news is that it looks like there will be a well-timed dropoff of reactors right about the time I need a VERA buyout, in 2029.
Saturday, June 8, 2019
Futures Assessment
"I see many endings before us....some good. Most bad."
Clearly everything is connected. So sing the birds through my cracked window, a refreshing breeze pouring over my feverish body. It's the third day of a persistent stomach flu that has me bedridden while the wife and kids eat dinner at her parents.
But it's the singing of those birds, coupled with reading of the Hyperion Cantos, that has my mind wandering, perhaps not surprisingly, in darker direction. The Cantos was discovered by accident, as if such things exist, after my mind summoned the words "Hyperion C" when taking an elevated dose of vitamin C to, appropriately as I type this, avoid a cold.
The main theme of the Cantos revolves around the poetic collapse of an interstellar human civilization centuries in the future, after the destruction of Old Earth. The themes, over consumption, destruction of habitats on pristine worlds for the amusement of humanity, and a complete over-reliance on technology, seem to almost approach parody in their current relevance.
Poets are a regular feature throughout. And Yeats is heavily quoted, specifically his "The Second Coming:"
How shockingly relevant, this verse. The worst in our society are certainly full of passionate intensity. That fact cannot be denied, merely side-stepped. I, merely an observer in our perverse play, lump both political sides squarely into "the worst."
It seems we have failed to learn from the epic "Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire," we all seem to know that this sad state cannot perpetuate ad infinitum. Or, if you prefer later empires, "Tragedy and Hope." We are carefully checking the entire list of systemic failures, as if we are driving ourselves intentionally to extinction. Our mutually agreed societal equivalent of M. Gladstone.
I fear that is the goal. Worse yet, I fear that my generation's cynical bet that things can limp until after our children's generation is more of a roulette roll than a hand of Black Jack.
Oddly the thought that torments me now is an image of the pool earlier today, before my fever commenced. Ryan having a great time. Why should this image torment me? Because I see him following the same path as mine. The pool a microcosm of human transformation of a landscape into its personal playground.
Extended further into the future, I see him entering school and leaving with the same cynical disdain for all things human as I gained. Choosing a comfortable yet soul-destroying college and career path. All the while carelessly consuming as many resources as I once did, on the basis that humanity was doomed and that was damned fine with me.
Until I had kids.
How then to avoid such a future? The birds offer no advice. They certainly would not mourn our departure.
Shouting questions into the abyss and receiving no answer. Status quo, then. How quaint.
Clearly everything is connected. So sing the birds through my cracked window, a refreshing breeze pouring over my feverish body. It's the third day of a persistent stomach flu that has me bedridden while the wife and kids eat dinner at her parents.
But it's the singing of those birds, coupled with reading of the Hyperion Cantos, that has my mind wandering, perhaps not surprisingly, in darker direction. The Cantos was discovered by accident, as if such things exist, after my mind summoned the words "Hyperion C" when taking an elevated dose of vitamin C to, appropriately as I type this, avoid a cold.
The main theme of the Cantos revolves around the poetic collapse of an interstellar human civilization centuries in the future, after the destruction of Old Earth. The themes, over consumption, destruction of habitats on pristine worlds for the amusement of humanity, and a complete over-reliance on technology, seem to almost approach parody in their current relevance.
Poets are a regular feature throughout. And Yeats is heavily quoted, specifically his "The Second Coming:"
"Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity."How shockingly relevant, this verse. The worst in our society are certainly full of passionate intensity. That fact cannot be denied, merely side-stepped. I, merely an observer in our perverse play, lump both political sides squarely into "the worst."
It seems we have failed to learn from the epic "Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire," we all seem to know that this sad state cannot perpetuate ad infinitum. Or, if you prefer later empires, "Tragedy and Hope." We are carefully checking the entire list of systemic failures, as if we are driving ourselves intentionally to extinction. Our mutually agreed societal equivalent of M. Gladstone.
I fear that is the goal. Worse yet, I fear that my generation's cynical bet that things can limp until after our children's generation is more of a roulette roll than a hand of Black Jack.
Oddly the thought that torments me now is an image of the pool earlier today, before my fever commenced. Ryan having a great time. Why should this image torment me? Because I see him following the same path as mine. The pool a microcosm of human transformation of a landscape into its personal playground.
Extended further into the future, I see him entering school and leaving with the same cynical disdain for all things human as I gained. Choosing a comfortable yet soul-destroying college and career path. All the while carelessly consuming as many resources as I once did, on the basis that humanity was doomed and that was damned fine with me.
Until I had kids.
How then to avoid such a future? The birds offer no advice. They certainly would not mourn our departure.
Shouting questions into the abyss and receiving no answer. Status quo, then. How quaint.
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
The Wily Peanut
Amid learning about the disturbing basis for the NRC's quantitative health objectives today, I made an inadvertent discovery regarding my long-time friend the peanut.
If you've been following the blog at all, you know I've been experimenting with intermittent fasting and that one of the interest areas unearthed in this endeavor was food effects on mood.
Sunday evening goes down as one of those toxic moods that you just can't shake yourself out of. I had been fighting a carpenter ant infestation for three days over the holiday weekend and the efforts were starting to wear on my nerves. The rest of the weekend, I had been taking the unexpected house workload fairly well, certainly compared with my normal reaction to such things.
But on Sunday evening, I would have been more than happy to see a 100 foot poplar tree come crashing through the ceiling, sever all the attic electrical lines and immolate the house in an electrical short meets plenty of flammable material nightmare.
Well, I just wrote it all off as an occasional knee jerk reaction to unexpected house maintenance. That is, until today Katy said I'm no longer allowed to eat peanuts.
I've noticed this effect before. I'll eat some peanuts and have a massive depressive episode within a couple of hours that seems to last the rest of the day.
Here's the kicker. Today I was in a great mood. And I had peanuts for lunch. They key difference seeming to be that the ONLY thing I had was peanuts, and had been fasting for 18 hours before that. No other food with them. I got them from the vending machine next to the training room after hitting the gym and running out of time to get something more substantial from the cafeteria.
But on Sunday, I had been eating normally all day. Then I jokingly asked Katy to get some peanuts from the store and she did. Then I ate about three handfuls. And in rushed the depressive state. Could it be that peanuts either with other food, or in a fed state, have a massive depressive effect on me?
Looking back through my logs, this seems consistent. All the massive depressive episodes were on days that I was eating normally and had peanuts. And.....dry roasted peanuts. Whole. The occasional PB2 powder (mixed with Orgain as my post-workout protein shake) or spoonful of peanut butter doesn't seem to have the same effect. Processing method? Dose?
I thought niacin, which peanuts are high in, was supposed to have the opposite effect. Peanuts are high in fat, but cheese doesn't seem to have the same effect. Also, almonds don't seem to have this effect, either. But I have only been eating almonds in a fasted state (a handful or two in my office, at lunch, when no other options are viable).
Oh well. Unfortunately this means that I'm ditching peanuts for the time being. Particularly whole ones. Too bad, they're one of my favorites.
If you've been following the blog at all, you know I've been experimenting with intermittent fasting and that one of the interest areas unearthed in this endeavor was food effects on mood.
Sunday evening goes down as one of those toxic moods that you just can't shake yourself out of. I had been fighting a carpenter ant infestation for three days over the holiday weekend and the efforts were starting to wear on my nerves. The rest of the weekend, I had been taking the unexpected house workload fairly well, certainly compared with my normal reaction to such things.
But on Sunday evening, I would have been more than happy to see a 100 foot poplar tree come crashing through the ceiling, sever all the attic electrical lines and immolate the house in an electrical short meets plenty of flammable material nightmare.
Well, I just wrote it all off as an occasional knee jerk reaction to unexpected house maintenance. That is, until today Katy said I'm no longer allowed to eat peanuts.
I've noticed this effect before. I'll eat some peanuts and have a massive depressive episode within a couple of hours that seems to last the rest of the day.
Here's the kicker. Today I was in a great mood. And I had peanuts for lunch. They key difference seeming to be that the ONLY thing I had was peanuts, and had been fasting for 18 hours before that. No other food with them. I got them from the vending machine next to the training room after hitting the gym and running out of time to get something more substantial from the cafeteria.
But on Sunday, I had been eating normally all day. Then I jokingly asked Katy to get some peanuts from the store and she did. Then I ate about three handfuls. And in rushed the depressive state. Could it be that peanuts either with other food, or in a fed state, have a massive depressive effect on me?
Looking back through my logs, this seems consistent. All the massive depressive episodes were on days that I was eating normally and had peanuts. And.....dry roasted peanuts. Whole. The occasional PB2 powder (mixed with Orgain as my post-workout protein shake) or spoonful of peanut butter doesn't seem to have the same effect. Processing method? Dose?
I thought niacin, which peanuts are high in, was supposed to have the opposite effect. Peanuts are high in fat, but cheese doesn't seem to have the same effect. Also, almonds don't seem to have this effect, either. But I have only been eating almonds in a fasted state (a handful or two in my office, at lunch, when no other options are viable).
Oh well. Unfortunately this means that I'm ditching peanuts for the time being. Particularly whole ones. Too bad, they're one of my favorites.
Thursday, May 16, 2019
Normal behavior.....any guy would do this
The never-before-told story of the Navy plane that drew a giant penis in the sky
Sunday, May 12, 2019
Monday, May 6, 2019
weird days
last Friday, I was IM'ing colleagues at work about how last week was the dumbest week I had encountered so far. I told them, jokingly, to stand by for a new low...
I had no idea that Monday would set the new record. First, our brief to upper management was at 0900, scheduled for an hour. The director wasn't there to hear it, but her deputies were. We were told that the director was in an important meeting. Fair enough, this usually happens.
The brief went fine, not a lot of questions. We return to our desks to find a newsletter from the director to the entire workforce, sent at 0948, about holding a "jam" session.
Personally I've never heard of this. Apparently, it's an online forum that everyone can join and voice their opinions. The theme of this "jam" session is supposed to be a discussion of the future of the organization. I'm assuming the jam session will be of the Pink Floyd type, since we have been and will be shrinking significantly in the near future as our industry vaporizes, reaching 50 percent of its current capacity by the mid-2020s.
But my cynicism turns slightly to hope in that this "jam" session, if as advertised, will either be a magnificent dud if no one participates or devolve into total anarchy if a lots of people do. I'm hoping for the latter, so as not to ruin my popcorn.
Last week's idiocy focused mainly on new overly burdensome management oversight of low level communication documents. Monday's idiocy saw that oversight expanded its scope to documents they had already approved.
Sadly one of my documents was in the "not yet approved" category, which I have thus far taken to mean cancelled. But now it's half-revived, and I was instructed to attend a "mini-brief" to upper management on whether or not it will be issued.
I then made the happy mistake of asking what a "mini-brief" is. Two minutes later, the lead on developing a method to obtain management approval on such things appears in my cube. We discuss for a few minutes, and decide the best approach is just to show up, say nothing, and answer succinctly if asked any questions. When life hands you a "mini-brief," make nothing....
Our conversation then diverted, as conversations at my workplace often do, to the end of the world as we know it. You could say that morale is somewhat low on this metric alone. Anyhow, based on the content of my walls, everyone assumes that I am a doomsday prepper, and I make a habit of never correcting any assumptions that people may have about me.
Thus the next hour was spent discussing which fruit plants, nut trees, and vegetables are doing best in our local climate, how much ammunition is appropriate for defense, small and large game, etc., and which livestock would be best for each of our respective situations. Water sources and most likely causes of total societal collapse were also discussed. Also the taste varieties of local ants. You know, the usual office fodder.
I then learned that my colleague has chickens and four dozen eggs for sale in the refrigerator on our floor. I immediately said I'm in, not really because I need eggs, but more that I needed to be buying eggs out of a refrigerator at NRC to round out my day. And yes, I work on the 13th floor.
I also asked colleagues last week if our workplace is really a piece of giant, intricate performance art. No one could deny it, and several took to the idea. Today did not do much to prove me wrong.
On my way out, I discussed the day with another colleague who is convinced we are living in the Matrix. I guess since we're both programmers, the glitches ar more obvious. We both agreed that the Matrix code seems to be getting more unstable, and it's doing an ever poorer job of rendering our colleagues, most notably management. Also, it's script writing has been getting worse and worse, as if it no longer cares how obvious its existence is.
We also discussed which instruments we planned to bring to the "jam" session. I'm bringing a harmonica.
After today, I can honestly say that I have no freaking clue what tomorrow will bring.
I had no idea that Monday would set the new record. First, our brief to upper management was at 0900, scheduled for an hour. The director wasn't there to hear it, but her deputies were. We were told that the director was in an important meeting. Fair enough, this usually happens.
The brief went fine, not a lot of questions. We return to our desks to find a newsletter from the director to the entire workforce, sent at 0948, about holding a "jam" session.
Personally I've never heard of this. Apparently, it's an online forum that everyone can join and voice their opinions. The theme of this "jam" session is supposed to be a discussion of the future of the organization. I'm assuming the jam session will be of the Pink Floyd type, since we have been and will be shrinking significantly in the near future as our industry vaporizes, reaching 50 percent of its current capacity by the mid-2020s.
But my cynicism turns slightly to hope in that this "jam" session, if as advertised, will either be a magnificent dud if no one participates or devolve into total anarchy if a lots of people do. I'm hoping for the latter, so as not to ruin my popcorn.
Last week's idiocy focused mainly on new overly burdensome management oversight of low level communication documents. Monday's idiocy saw that oversight expanded its scope to documents they had already approved.
Sadly one of my documents was in the "not yet approved" category, which I have thus far taken to mean cancelled. But now it's half-revived, and I was instructed to attend a "mini-brief" to upper management on whether or not it will be issued.
I then made the happy mistake of asking what a "mini-brief" is. Two minutes later, the lead on developing a method to obtain management approval on such things appears in my cube. We discuss for a few minutes, and decide the best approach is just to show up, say nothing, and answer succinctly if asked any questions. When life hands you a "mini-brief," make nothing....
Our conversation then diverted, as conversations at my workplace often do, to the end of the world as we know it. You could say that morale is somewhat low on this metric alone. Anyhow, based on the content of my walls, everyone assumes that I am a doomsday prepper, and I make a habit of never correcting any assumptions that people may have about me.
Thus the next hour was spent discussing which fruit plants, nut trees, and vegetables are doing best in our local climate, how much ammunition is appropriate for defense, small and large game, etc., and which livestock would be best for each of our respective situations. Water sources and most likely causes of total societal collapse were also discussed. Also the taste varieties of local ants. You know, the usual office fodder.
I then learned that my colleague has chickens and four dozen eggs for sale in the refrigerator on our floor. I immediately said I'm in, not really because I need eggs, but more that I needed to be buying eggs out of a refrigerator at NRC to round out my day. And yes, I work on the 13th floor.
I also asked colleagues last week if our workplace is really a piece of giant, intricate performance art. No one could deny it, and several took to the idea. Today did not do much to prove me wrong.
On my way out, I discussed the day with another colleague who is convinced we are living in the Matrix. I guess since we're both programmers, the glitches ar more obvious. We both agreed that the Matrix code seems to be getting more unstable, and it's doing an ever poorer job of rendering our colleagues, most notably management. Also, it's script writing has been getting worse and worse, as if it no longer cares how obvious its existence is.
We also discussed which instruments we planned to bring to the "jam" session. I'm bringing a harmonica.
After today, I can honestly say that I have no freaking clue what tomorrow will bring.
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
Ryan's first fast bike ride....with training wheels
Just a note for posterity, and to make us smile down the road...Ryan had his self-propelled bike ride yesterday. His first ride was outside my parents house on the same road I first rode on, this past weekend. But yesterday was the first time he pedaled hard, and with some help made it up some slight hills. He loved going back down the hills fast, a huge grin and what I call his "delighted yet sinister" laugh (a bit of a mwahahahahaha) as he went fast. He did a great job keeping the bike on the road and watching out for cars, even while flying down the street.
A great memory to store for those rainy days.
A great memory to store for those rainy days.
At it again
Fasted again for the first time in a while. Not sure why I ever gave it up, except that it's <slightly> difficult.
Woke up last night when Ryan came into the room coughing, poor guy. We got him some medicine, and he stayed with us. Usually I feel a bit of annoyance when woken up, but at about hour 32 of fasting I felt totally zen about it.
I ultimately went to the couch so I could hear Elinor (we had a fan running to cover up the coughing in our room), and let my thoughts wander for a while. Then more restful sleep than I've had in a long time.
Just more proof that most of the food we have available is poison. As part of this 6 week trek (and maybe more), I plan to test out different foods at the end of each intermittent fasting day to see what effects they have on my mood.
It's pretty clear that peanuts screw up my mood pretty bad. Today I'll test almonds to see if they have the same effect.
That's about it for now.
Woke up last night when Ryan came into the room coughing, poor guy. We got him some medicine, and he stayed with us. Usually I feel a bit of annoyance when woken up, but at about hour 32 of fasting I felt totally zen about it.
I ultimately went to the couch so I could hear Elinor (we had a fan running to cover up the coughing in our room), and let my thoughts wander for a while. Then more restful sleep than I've had in a long time.
Just more proof that most of the food we have available is poison. As part of this 6 week trek (and maybe more), I plan to test out different foods at the end of each intermittent fasting day to see what effects they have on my mood.
It's pretty clear that peanuts screw up my mood pretty bad. Today I'll test almonds to see if they have the same effect.
That's about it for now.
Thursday, March 14, 2019
bored bored bored bored bored!
What a contrast between this cubicle hole and the hike yesterday. I keep asking myself what I'm doing here. I don't like dropping my kids off to have them spend their time with strangers, while I go sit in a cube for no purpose.
"What am I doing here?" I keep asking the wall. It has no answer. Neither do I. Stacking paper? Is that it? There's nothing here that interests me. Even the gym has become too routine. The last three times I've been, I've just left after about 10 minutes.
Government work leads to a bored, bland, banal being (B4?)
I walked every cubicle hall I could access in my building. 1.49 miles according to the accelerometer in my watch.
It's nice outside. My boss is leaving in 4 minutes. I think I will too.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
A good day.....
trails, adventure, sandy creek shores with no evidence of human contact, and even a run-in with quicksand!
Much preferable to go off the trail....the poor runner I saw, he was doomed to following the trail. Trade those running shoes in for some hiking boots and discover your inner explorer.
Only the first picture below was take from the trail. The others are all from meandering through the woods and finding my way home. I even got lost and had to figure out which way to go by determining which way the water was flowing in the creek. Turns out I didn't need to walk across the tree. But since I was in shorts, I could wade across the 2' deep creek to get back to the right side.
Much preferable to go off the trail....the poor runner I saw, he was doomed to following the trail. Trade those running shoes in for some hiking boots and discover your inner explorer.
Only the first picture below was take from the trail. The others are all from meandering through the woods and finding my way home. I even got lost and had to figure out which way to go by determining which way the water was flowing in the creek. Turns out I didn't need to walk across the tree. But since I was in shorts, I could wade across the 2' deep creek to get back to the right side.
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Monday, February 11, 2019
At some point you have to wonder.....
The talking heads on mass media are the bottom of the barrel, to be sure.
This story is great because it shows not only how stupid your news anchors are, but how stupid you can be and go to Harvard / Princeton. Best and brightest my ass. Rich doofus pricks more like it.
There is no hope in this world. Giant Meteor 2019!
Thursday, January 17, 2019
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Wednesday, January 9, 2019
Tuesday, January 8, 2019
Maryland Electricity Generation Stats
Rough estimate that 40% of your energy in MD comes from non-fossil sources if you have an electric car.
Monday, January 7, 2019
Thursday, January 3, 2019
It's tax season, you should know where your money goes.....
Fighting in 40% of the world's countries.
Total cost of post 9/11 wars is $5.9T and climbing.
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