Lost Decade

Today is day I don't know.  I've lost track.  But for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to feel like my old self.  The sharp edge is returning.

To be honest, I forgot how much I enjoyed it.  So much so that when I randomly took center stage at the end of a meeting today and told people exactly what I thought, the room stopped.  Jaws dropped.  And I felt good.

And I used to be such a nice person.  Or, did I?

Who and where have I been all this time?  Dulled senses cleared, I remember the positive sides of clarity.  I can look in the mirror and see what's there.  And I have no choice but to accept it and choose my path.  Swim in it, down in the dirt. 

Almost nothing I like better.

Coming up on seven years ago is when things got a bit off track.  Thus the graphic.  A select few will know what I'm talking about.

It's not like that was the first time.  Grad school was pretty much an opening act to what happened at the Rock.   More of a warmup, really.  That's what school is for, right?  Getting you ready for the real world?

And my education was, in other than academic respects, excellent.

One year of nothing afterwards and three of being elsewhere.  Then, for some reason, I had to go back to the Rock and paint my PM masterpiece. 

Now, like some sort of failed transfusion, total rejection of the PM lifestyle and back to technical work.  Sort of but not quite like what I was doing in the events leading up to 09.11.07

Only now there's no one to fight.  Except myself.

I can see now that like so many others I was trying to forget.  But now I don't want to forget.  I want to remember every detail and savor it in my own special way.

"I can see the sunlight coming over the horizon . . . . "