Behavioral Patterns

Sometimes I miss doing technical work. Then I remember that I hated every minute of it.

Finding a solution to a problem was (temporarily) fun, but none of the actual work, turning wrenches, writing code, or performing experiments was worth the effort. It didn't help that the technical work I was exposed to served little other than the self-gratification of the purveyors of some antiquated science, one that would probably serve the world better if it went the way of Latin. That and cost the American taxpayer a truly exorbitant amount of money under the guise of "serving the warfighter" while accomplishing, in fact, the exact opposite.

To my unending surprise I left the technical world and entered the world of project management, fully expecting to hate this world more than anything that came before. What can I say, I'm a masochist? For some reason taking everything you've worked on for a long time and burning it to the ground appeals to me. Something about seeing all those years of school, all that time spent building up your technical expertise, and all that sweat poured out of your skin to do a good job go up in smoke just makes me smile. Charges at the base of the Burj Khalifa would have been my personal finishing touch. Good thing I'm not an architect.

What I discovered is that people are much more interesting to work with than machines and computers. I've come to realize that people operate in an eerily similar manner to those machines I used to program. They all follow a set of behavioral patterns that have been ingrained into their psyche. All you have to do is get in there and see what gears are turning. By and large, people follow a shockingly predictable path. However, people can adapt and surprise you. People you think are hopeless can step up and unexpectedly impress you. People that seem rock solid can crumble like tinfoil. It makes your job a lot more interesting when you don't know what's going to happen next. That very uncertainty has gotten under my skin, and I have come to enjoy being forced to react to situations on a daily basis.

This is all highly irregular. I used to hate talking to people and would do pretty much anything to avoid it. Now it's the cornerstone of what I do. I never thought of myself as a leader either, but that seems to be where the tide is taking me now. Life is strange indeed. When I think about going back to technical work, at least for now, it's like thinking about returning to a slow-paced, uninteresting drudgery. Like voluntarily stepping into quicksand. Maybe this is the reason it felt so good to leave that all behind, and means that I was never meant to do technical work in the first place. After all, just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. If that's the case, I'm glad I finally saw the light and got out when I could.

I wonder what turns await in the future . . . .